I’ve heard publishing professionals say that when they want to know if a prospective fiction client can write, they flip through the manuscript for the first section of dialog to see if the author has mastered the art.
Dialog is that important.
So today I’m going to give you my top
ten tips for turning your mediocre dialog into sparkling literary genius.
1. Eliminate all
names, nicknames, and pet names.
2. Eliminate all
nonsense words: um, uh, hmm, etc.
3. Eliminate all
other filler words: like, well, you know, anyway, etc.
4. Eliminate all
greetings: hi, hello, how are you, what’s up, how’s it going.
5. Eliminate all
direct answers: yes, no, maybe. (Also, most pleases and thank-yous.)
6. Eliminate
repeated sentiments: “Is she mad?” “She’s mad.” “How mad.” “Very mad.”
7. Eliminate as
many dialog tags (he said, she said) as possible. Eliminate every dialog tag
that accompanies an action beat. (“Almost there,” he said as he turned left
becomes “Almost there.” He turned left.)
8. Eliminate all
adverbs in dialog tags. (“I love you,” he said softly becomes “I love
you,” he whispered.)
9. Eliminate
telling in dialog. If you could start the sentence with “As you know,” delete
it.
10. Eliminate
every predictable answer.
You might have noticed that every tip
begins with the word “eliminate.” I know it sounds drastic—it is drastic. But
when you take out the unnecessary words, what matters will shine through.
Take this sparkling example:
“Hey John. How have you been?” Sue asked
while carrying her tray to the table.
“Well, as you know, my father died last
week, so I’ve been sad,” John replied sadly while he set his tray on the table.
“Gee, I’m sorry you’ve been sad. And I’m
sorry about your father dying last week, John,” Sue said, picking up her
chocolate milk.
“Thank you for saying that. Hmm, how have
you been after you and Billy broke up when you caught him kissing Karen at the
bonfire a couple of weeks ago and you were devastated,” John said quietly,
unwrapping his sandwich.
“Thank you for asking about Billy. He’s a
jerk, and I hate him. So I decided to plant a bomb in his locker and blow up
the entire school,” Sue whispered conspiratorially.
Okay, I had to add the bomb just to
make that dialog more exciting. Let’s see what happens when we follow those ten
tricks.
Sue paid for her lunch, grabbed her tray,
and fell in step beside John. “Glad you’re back. How’s your family?”
He shrugged. “It’s been hard.”
She slid her tray onto their usual table.
“I really liked your father. He was always nice to me.”
“You were his favorite.” He swallowed a
lump of emotion. “Let’s talk about
something else. Any updates on the Billy situation?”
“I thought about putting a bomb in his
locker.”
“A bit harsh to kill the entire student
body just because your boyfriend kissed another girl.”
“I think it’s a fitting statement about
the danger of infidelity.” She winked and bit into her turkey sandwich.
It’s not going to win any awards, but
is it better? I think so.
Try those tricks in your own stories.
Eliminate the things I suggested, rewrite where necessary to make it flow, and
then read the segment aloud. If you absolutely must add back in a little of
what you deleted, go ahead, but do so sparingly.
Punchy dialog moves fast and keeps
readers on their toes. And that’s one thing those publishing professionals are
looking for.
Robin
Patchen lives in Edmond, Oklahoma, with her husband and three teenagers. Her
third book, Finding Amanda, released in April. When
Robin isn’t writing or caring for her family, she works as a freelance editor
at Robin’s Red Pen,
where she specializes in Christian fiction. Read excerpts and find out more at
her website.
About Finding
Amanda:
Chef and popular blogger
Amanda Johnson hopes publishing her memoir will provide healing and justice.
Her estranged husband, contractor and veteran soldier Mark Johnson, tries to
talk her out of it, fearing the psychiatrist who seduced her when she was a
teen might return to silence her.
But Amanda doesn’t need
advice, certainly not from her judgmental soon-to-be ex-husband. Her
overconfidence makes her vulnerable when she travels out of town and runs into
the abuser from her past. A kind stranger comes to her rescue and offers her
protection.
Now Mark must safeguard his
wife both from the fiend who threatens her life and from the stranger who
threatens their marriage.
Robin’s Links:
Goodreads
It's always a pleasure having you on my blog, Robin! Thanks for a great top 10 list!
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